Hi, Tuesday PM

The earthquake happened 10 weeks ago today. Most missionaries have already been back to the states, had their break and are back in the trenches. My break will come on April 12th as I head to Cincinnati to see little Noah, and my other 3 grand kids, daughter and son-in-law................and rest.

My board encouraged me early on to get a break and have wanted this to happen. I appreciate them for trusting me enough to know when it is time.

This past Friday I was scheduled to speak in Chicago at a huge Feed My Starving Children fundraiser. I so badly wanted to go to the windy city, enjoy the hotels, the food and the people and be a part of this.

I have stayed not because I had to but because I felt it was the right thing to do. These Haitian folks could not jump on a plane and escape; they had to fight it out. They suffered more than I did, and have no place to go for decompressing.

We have had so much going on, I wanted to wrap some things up and make sure we have a good handle on everything. The spiritual explosion at our church has kept us all very busy.
There is no danger of me imploding, burning out or quitting. I have lived through death threats, a revolution, 3 years of kidnappings, an attempted kidnapping on me, hurricanes, rioting and this earthquake. I think I am a little battle tested for this stuff.

My grand kids are already excited and talking nonstop about grandpa coming. They know Chuckie Cheese, McDonald's play land and bowling is on the schedule.

Topic change: All of you know that the earthquake brought 10 more kids into my home. It was the right thing to do and I would do it all over again. Then weeks and weeks go by and the drain of having so many kids gets very tiring. I began to question myself. Dirty bathrooms, trash in the yard, broken sofas, jobs undone and messy living rooms made me question the validity of bringing so many kids in.

Visitors came and it was tough on them. There were kids everywhere, stuff everywhere and probably not the environment they would live in. I again questioned what I was doing. I began to think how I could downsize. I offered 4 of the older boys a nice tent if they wanted to go back to the village. I knew 5 of our school kids who came with me would go to our children's home. I asked another boy to go with relatives. I was on a roll; I was knocking the numbers down. We could attempt to have clean kitchens, clean bathrooms and some better order.

One thing I forgot, one mistake I made. I had begun to lose focus on why I was here, what I was called to do. It is easy with an American perspective to downsize. Not so easy when you are THE CHILD involved.

The four older boys I offered the tent deal to, timidly came to me and asked if they could stay, that they would do better. It broke my heart to think that they thought they needed to do better. The other young man I had asked to go to relatives asked what he had done wrong and why he had to leave.

Fifteen year old Robert last night cried all night, because I was moving him to the children's home. I asked him this morning what was wrong. He said "poppy, this is the only home I have ever had, you are the only dad I have ever had, please don't make me leave my home." I am the one in tears tonight.

This afternoon we brought a lady that I have known for years to come live at the Children's Home, be the cook, nanny and housekeeper. Today I met with Odette and we were almost done with everything and she dropped this bomb "by the way, I have my 8 month old granddaughter with me, the mom abandoned her and went to the Dominican."

My first thought was "what, are you kidding me, you waited this long to tell me that, that is a game breaker, we can't bring a baby here, not now, not yet."

This wonderful missionary you all support said to her "that might be a problem, can she go with anyone else?" She quickly said "yes, I can leave her in the village with friends."

It was not long later when God had a little chat with me, and I listened. I was in my room when I realized this; I raised a little baby from the age of 2 months, to 21 years old. You would have had to kill me to take my baby from me. We have a home for children who have no parents, a safe, clean, healthy, happy place to raise kids. For a few minutes I forgot that, I was willing to allow this little baby to grow up in the village with no mom, no grand mom, no clean water, no bed....no roof over her head. Why? Because she didn't fit into that nice, neat little box I had.

I met with Anderson and Mona, the directors, and shared my heart with them. They want the baby. I want the baby; the grand mom wants the baby..............most important, God wants this baby. I am sorry for my behavior in treating some of these kids like numbers, and not children created by God, given to me, to care for and to disciple.

Remember the email title, scrambled brain. I am not sure I am thinking clearly at all times, the past 10 weeks with no break has taken a toll. Maybe my ramblings are evidence. Please don't hold it against me. It makes sense to me. tominhaiti